Top: Scott Zenreich. Pirates, clockwise from left: Paul Taylor, Alexandra Valle, Chad Patrick Smith, Lloyd Harvey and Karl Schaeffer.

Clockwise from top: Paul Taylor, Lloyd Harvey, Scott Zenreich. All photos by Mark Oristano.

Top row, from left: Chad Patrick Smith, Lloyd Harvey, Paul Taylor; Bottom row, from left: Alexandra Valle, Scott Zenreich, Karl Schaeffer.

Scott Zenreich (in yellow bandana) and Paul Taylor.

  

How I Became a Pirate

by Alyn Cardarelli and Steve Goers (adapted from Melinda Long)

Presented by Dallas Children's Theater

January 22 - February 21

at Rosewood Center for Family Arts
5938 Skillman St.
Dallas, TX 75231
214-740-0051

$14-$25

7:30pm Fridays; 1:30 & 4:30pm Saturday & Sundays
Runtime: 90 minutes with one intermission

Let's see if it's possible to get through an entire review of a musical called How I Became a Pirate, without writing in pirate-speak. As in, no "aarghs" or anything like that. (That one doesn't count.)

Having its area premiere by Dallas Children's Theater, How I Became a Pirate is a children's musical by Alyn Cardarelli and Steve Goers, adapted from the book by Melinda Long (illustrations by David Shannon). It tells the story of a soccer-loving kid, Jeremy Jacob (Scott Zenreich), who has one of those childhood fantasies of living the pirate's life. Anything to get out of homework and Brussels sprouts, right?

So, through the power of imagination, five buccaneers show up in a rowboat and convince Jeremy to join them on their ship just off shore. The gang represents all of the standard pirate types: Dimwitted Captain Braid Beard (Paul Taylor); the hook-handed second-in-command, Stubby Barbosa (Karl Schaeffer); mates Jacque LaToe (Lloyd Harvey) and Milicent "Milt" Skeeter (Alexandra Valle); and Wheezing Stephen McGee (Chad Patrick Smith), a hypochondriac who constantly complains of ailments like caaaarrrrpal tunnel syndrome or a torn rotataaaarrrrr cuff. (That's how he pronounces them, so it doesn't count in a reviewer's quest to avoid pirate-speak, either.)

It's an enjoyable little show about dreaming of escape and then realizing that home is where you'd rather be. In the course of an hour-and-a-half, Jeremy learns how to swab the deck, hunt for treasure, walk the plank and, of course, speak like a pirate. Eventually, it's the call of his mother and the cry of his baby sister that puts him back on solid ground. Perhaps homework isn't so bad, after all.

On DCT's stage, the best aspect of the production is the scenic design by Randel Wright, who cleverly creates different levels of the pirate ship, such as the deck or the sleeping quarters down below. There's also the illusion of being on the sea, thanks to an ocean backdrop that moves up and down and sways back and forth. Costumes, by Laurie Land, are also terrific.

There are some really cute songs, too, such as Change is Good (Or a Pretty Girl is Like a Mutiny), The Soccer Chantey and Pirates Never Tuck You In. The latter falls in the category of things that pirates never do. Apparently they don't sing showtunes, either, which is one of the funnier jokes in the show.

Directed and choreographed by Nancy Schaeffer, and with music direction by B. Wolf, this production features amusing performances by the actors playing the pirates. But oddly enough, the vocal work is not impressive, which is not the norm for Dallas Children's Theater. It's especially surprising considering the strong singers in this bunch, including Taylor and Valle. Solo and ensemble numbers are too soft, flat, or just plain messy. At the matinee reviewed, pacing was deadly slow.

Don't think that kids won't notice something like actors with low energy. Sunday's packed house, which was all children and their parents, was unusually quiet for a DCT audience. Perhaps, in preparation for the possibility of sea-sickness, they had all taken Dramamine. And not even drama could wake them from their slumbaaaarrrrr.

Darn. Almost made it.